All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
