she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
pop tarts are not kleenex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
