I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
