I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
