mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
