what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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