I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
