He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
