We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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