Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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