i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
