she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
BRING THE BAGELS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
