dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I intend to get homeless drunk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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