I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
