Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
