Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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