I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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