So drunk its hurt
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
