Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
