How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
