I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
