If i come over, it means nothing
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
