Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
