im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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