so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
