Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
