she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
