....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
