You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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