i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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