Don't make out with my wife yet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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