i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
