I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
