what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
