her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
