I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
