if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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