your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
