bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
