my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
