i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
