I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
