No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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