you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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