Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
