The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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