How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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