but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
