I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
