Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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