I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
