You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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