THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
