Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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