the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
