And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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