I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
