I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
