Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
