One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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