I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
