Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
