also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
